cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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