we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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