she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
