Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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