U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
