Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize