I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
