im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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