Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
