So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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