one two three fourrrrnication!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
please don't ironically join a cult
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