Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
