I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
