My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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