oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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