The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
