I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
