how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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