tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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