i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Randomize
