I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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