He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
