Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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