One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
