I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
