dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
