Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
