he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's never too late to be topless.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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