Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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