8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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