I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize