hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
