Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
