Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
