My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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