I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
