No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
