Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
