never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize