Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
