Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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