lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
