She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
