Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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