we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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