When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
