I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I only lived at night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
