So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
