Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize