Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
