Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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