ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
