i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
