I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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