with your own penis?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
