I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
