wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
