I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
