You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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