When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
please come you make the beer taste better
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
