i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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