You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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