It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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