how can u be prego again
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
