Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
