When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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