Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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