I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
