My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bring me that man meat
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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