On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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