I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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