I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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