You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
