Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
