she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
