I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
