So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
