a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
