Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize