Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
