So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
