You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize