Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
