I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
