he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
