you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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