I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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