remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
