Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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