Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
soo... how was my night?
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