actually, I'm a sock model
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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