Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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