Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
