they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My ass is underappreciated
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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