I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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