Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
