They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
