I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she woke up with a sticky ear
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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