Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize