I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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