i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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