whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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