It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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