Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
