so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
