Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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