I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize