im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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