this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
