your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
